Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. I feel your pain. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. nw i think my gal dun wants me . I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. Pls help. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. In my opinion its not a healthy life for her or I. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. What can I do? He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? but, really, we'll be alright. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. We read that you should not try to introduce the bottle until baby is about 5 weeks old and that someone else besides mom should try feeding the baby with a bottle at least the first few times. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. Which is great but I feel useless. Fellow mommy Im very concerned about you. Play games together with both her and her if needed. So chin up, even when its hard. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. Am a single mum living with my parents. Im the mother who wrote nearly a year ago that my baby boy didnt seem to love me, I posted later that things seemed to be improving and now, at 18 months, I feel absolutely loved by my son. What am I doing wrong? Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! A ground-breaking study has found that mothers can go back to work months after the birth of their child without the baby's wellbeing suffering as a result. I work very part time 3 days a week for a total of 16 hours. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. Im in need of some help here. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. well, its not. Hi sad dad, Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. When I think about it, it really is a good thing that she loves her daycare. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. But I dont get a look in. He also loves his father and grandmother. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . When I pick her up from her caregivers house after work, I am so excited because I count down the minutes until I see my precious baby only to get her in my arms and have her reach out for her caregiver. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. Even if its only by God and me I suppose. why is he acting like im the worst person in the world? staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. She doesnt come when i call out to her. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. More Like This But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) And when I get her home she ignores me. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. We laugh all the time! If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! But they arent helping your relationship with your child. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. this is not your fault. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? Anyway, he will be one in a week or so and Im happy to say that things are back to normal and this seems like a distant memory. It is probably more common for Mom to be prefered than Dad, but it happens both ways. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. Disguise the bottle. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. I do everything to. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). we got seperated when she was 17 months. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. please give me some advice. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. XOXO, Paula. By the way, take a look at these two articles regarding avoiding power struggles at meal time and childrens eating habits to see if they may offer any help regarding making your daughter eat. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. I am a dad in the same boat. you are a good mother. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? Before we know it they are even out of the house. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. Your baby is enjoying the world around him and right now grandma is great fun. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. 1. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Sigh. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. I want my baby to love me as much as I love her, but I understand I cant force that. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. That is wonderful for your little daughter! I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Hi! You are obviously there for your son. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. Which makes me feel guilty that he feels guilty. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. I dont get it. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. thanks again! So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. I do each and every work for her. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. Help . In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. read about this website and how it all started here. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Quick message to Laura- Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! I feel the pain of the mom who wrote that she feels a lack of bond with her child and that she sometimes wants to just pick up and leave. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. We may not do much and I am stern when it comes to bad behavior but she cries a lot and asks where daddy is. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. I am in the same boat. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else .
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