by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. No Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex. The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. And kissed her, then kissed me. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. But you can change your life! Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. . People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. It has to mate. They put all the blame and shame on people who are already stigmatized and have great challenges in life. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. She said my picture should be next to BPD. Leave your house early to go to work. She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d704ee2c21c Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. Your IP: This girl just so happened to message me asking when I'd be going out and I decided to message back just to practice talking to people. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. But those were all things I was unaware at that moment. You have to prove her wrong. The BPD splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the good and bad aspects of a partner at the given time. 116.204.182.155 But it doesnt have to be. God the sex. I had to cook or organize food. Hope you follow what I write. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? - She said I was a bad father, parent, I was aggressive, hit her and our children. The background might be different, but the plot is the same. Also she had every sign of BPD, now that I know what they are. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. People with this disorder experience wide mood swings with sudden and intense anger, which . Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. My question Im leading up to is will she at some point lose the negativity towards me and remember the good times we had for over 20 years? I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. How can they be so cruel? On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). Please readers dont ask me how I know this. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). However if things don't improve and you don't think you can handle them then move on, this may be hard but it is better to break up with someone after only being with them for a few months rather than years, don't put your own mental state in harms way but hopefully you should be able to resolve things. I feel terrible,Ive sent an apologie message but no reply. Nothing should have caused our. Most just justify their actions with their feelings and perceptions (especially false perceptions) and continue to react impulsively to them. I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. The reason why people with BPD break up with their partners is very simple. She still says she wants to sue(is that the word?) Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. We still decided to be friends since she said she forgave me for "screwing her over". I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. 1 Do you hold onto hurt and cannot let it go? It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. They think the problem is with their partner, so they continuously blame their partners for their mistakes and switch back and forth from a loving and caring person to a hateful and vengeful one. Here are the six stages of a borderline personality disorder relationship: 4. I deeply sympathize with your pain and loss - it's horrible. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. Home Helpful Resources How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? This cycle of love/hate seemed to happen at least once a month. BPD is a type of personality disorder. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. Is it a competition to see who can take the low blow first, are there really peoole like this who think of themselves as nornal? How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. 136.243.94.45 There is almost no possible way to get out of this without a sentence. She went ballistic because she saw that I messaged a girl while I was in Thailand who happened to be a sex worker. How he spit and hit her face after she announced she would be again working in a corporation (she quit because he forced her to, as he accused she does not spend time with children, but she had to come back due to all the debt he was responsible for). What can you do after Valentines Day to make your sweetheart happy? But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. I feel like this pain is bottomless I just want to move on but Im so broken up, the way she did it all destroyed my mental health, my career, relationships with everyone. It won't happen with just one promise "Work is not first but at this moment I must tend to it"it will happen when she realizes you've made a lot of sacrifices for her and put up with her very painful emotions (this is real pain, btw. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. Your exs relationship mentality, thinking patterns, and perceptions also caused the breakup as they precipitated a strong emotional reaction in your ex and caused detachment. In this way, they project their bad feelings onto their partner who is blamed for how they feel. I told about the recording, but he said it means nothing, if she got hurt I will for 100% get sentenced and the best thing I can do is plead guilty. Keep strong and kite up bro! In couples counseling, the borderline partner who is splitting will usually explain why their partner is the problem, in order to fix them. When I read stuff like that it makes me feel good because I didn't have to endure stuff like that. After one of the company parties, I had to transport my drunk friend to my apartment and she started calling me franticly to come to her place. Being late triggers past wounds of feeling unwanted, which becomes so overwhelming that they need to be projected outside of themselves. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) And Concussion. . Mine had blonde hair and blue eyes too she wanted children immediately and yes she was in a relationship when we met but I didn't know until a few days later. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. After that period, it was a nightmare. She was horrible during her pregnancy. Here Are My Suggestions. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. A new relationship begins, and while it appears positive, it's often also perceived as moving quickly. Then poof! In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. Tell me about it. If a person at any point in time during a relationship gets depressed/diagnosed with a mental illness, that person obviously couldnt predict what was going to happen. BPD is not NPD do some research! Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. Be proud your not with them any more. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. From chronic emptiness to uncontrollable anger, there is a lot of variation from symptom to symptom. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. Can you live with them? Borderlines can be very convincing that their partner is the problem, often persuading the therapist that their partner is to blame for not putting more effort into the relationship. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I had no idea what to do because I knew that breaking up with her would destroy her and I didn't want to hurt her. 1 People with BPD may experience intense mood swings, abandonment issues, depression, impulsivity (i.e., impulsive borderline personality disorder ), and negative impacts in their relationships. 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldn't be mistaken for a person's poor attitude and below-average self-control. Want to stay up to date with the latest on mental health? Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. Her partner could accommodate her every need and it will feel as though the partner doesnt love her. As part of the bootcamp, I had to go talk to random people and ask them for their phone number. You need new friends anyway, yours sucked. This includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. I admit that it is hard to believe the story with the sex worker. By the way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a man who loves me for who I am. GF: "I'll end it!". But sadly our honeymoon phase didn't last long. 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